


Iron Mew

by Lilian_Cho



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: As I write more, Brown-eyed Tony so MCU Tony, Canon Divergence - Post-Avengers (2012), Cap_Ironman Tiny Reverse Bang, Cat Ears, Cat Tony, Cat Tony Stark, Everyone lives at the Stark Tower AU, Gen, Humor, M/M, Magic, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Avengers (2012), Savvy Businessman Tony, Stony Bingo, Stony Bingo 2016, Tony-centric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-24
Updated: 2016-09-24
Packaged: 2018-08-17 00:45:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8124061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilian_Cho/pseuds/Lilian_Cho
Summary: In which Tony sells licensed Loki merchandise and gains two cat ears and a tail (and a boyfriend).~~~“Let me get this straight. In addition to the official Avengers merchandise, they want…Loki? The alien god of mischief who wanted all earthlings to kneel at his feet? That Loki?”“It appears so, Sir.”“And they want him not as a stress ball or a punching bag? Maybe for target practice?” Tony asked, not holding out hope.“They seem to prefer him to come in body pillow form, Sir,” JARVIS’ droll voice intoned.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Cat's Eyes](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/231193) by OneBillionDelights. 



> Also answers "WTF" on my bingo square.
> 
> Sorry for the super-short first part, but I need to sleep orz (I wrote the last chapter of Time Blasts this morning! (minus a tiny epilogue) *gives self a cookie*)  
> As always, inspiration only struck one day before deadline. Heh. ~~Maybe I'll paste the second part in the first "chapter" tomorrow.~~ Done =D

The whole thing started because Tony knew an excellent business opportunity when he saw one. Just because he was genius at engineering, it didn’t mean that he was crap at business. Because he was not a multi-billionaire for nothing, he had licensed the hell out of the “Iron Man” superhero brand after his coming out interview back in 2008 (excluding the Black Sabbath song and the triathlon races). 

So far, several lines of Iron Man toys were in production, with 50% of the proceeds going to various children’s hospitals in the United States. Contrary to people’s expectations of him, Tony _loved_ to put smiles on children’s faces; as long as no one threw up on him, he loved being around children, even young babies.

Fast forward four years later, and Iron Man and the Avengers saved New York from an alien invasion. Suddenly, everyone was crazy about the Avengers. Being the forward-thinking businessman that he was, Tony had texted Pepper to pursue licensing rights seconds after swallowing his last bite of shawarma. Captain America was tricky to license, being a heroic historical figure and all, but the other Avengers were locked down within a week.

Which brought him to a few months later, when JARVIS reported a curious trend to him, specifically among the Japanese and Chinese markets.

“Let me get this straight. In addition to the official Avengers merchandise, they want…Loki? The alien god of mischief who wanted all earthlings to kneel at his feet? That Loki?”

“It appears so, Sir.”

“And they want him not as a stress ball or a punching bag? Maybe for target practice?” Tony asked, not holding out hope.

“They seem to prefer him to come in body pillow form, Sir,” JARVIS’ droll voice intoned.

“Huh,” Tony said, then he promptly fired off an e-mail telling Pepper to license Loki. Pepper, who was clearly an angel, had it done no questions asked. He would also tell her to look into mass producing Avengers body pillows, except Steve would die of embarrassment and Natasha would castrate him with a spoon.

However, Tony as always could never leave things alone, even when curiosity ended in death or humiliating body modification. And that’s how, the following Saturday afternoon, he slipped, sprained both ankles and slid down into Loki fandom.

“JARVIS, are you seeing what I’m seeing?” Tony asked, awe in his voice.

“Are you referring to an image of Loki photoshopped with cat ears and tail, or a drawing of Loki in skimpy French maid costume? Sir.”

“The cat ears!” Tony gestured above his head. “Although that drawing’s pretty good too; very artistic. But cats! Where did they even get such clear images of Loki? This is not pixelated at _all._ ” He gasped. “JARVIS, you’d tell me if I’m turning into a furry, right?”

“Of course, Sir,” JARVIS said placidly. “Although this image of Loki would fall under ‘nekomimi’ instead of ‘furry,’ as the cat ears and tail are add-ons to an otherwise human-looking subject.”

“I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but you spend too much time on the Internet, JARVIS.”

JARVIS didn’t deign that with a response, but he could feel his A.I. judging his current Internet search all the same. Whatever; his tower, his Internet connection, his weird hobby.

“Pepper?” He talked into his headset, typing ‘Lokitty’ into the search bar. “Remember that Avengers plushies we’re rolling out for the holidays? Tell them I have an addition in mind. The designer is going to _love it_.”

=^-^= =^-^= =^-^= 

Pepper opened with, “I’m not casting doubts on your unerring instinct to know what sells—”

Tony spread his fingers, blowing up the final sketches that the designer e-mailed. 

“—but don’t you find this whole thing a bit insensitive?” she said.

“Which is why this particular product is not available for sale in North America and Western Europe,” Tony said with an absent shrug. He rendered the sketch in 3-D and made it spin once. “I love it! Give the designer a bonus; pay off their student loans or something.” 

“And translate the tag into Japanese and Simplified Mandarin; make sure to include lots of cat puns. Do the Chinese have cat puns other than Chairman Mao?” Tony scrunched up his nose. “Oh, and don’t forget Korean; JARVIS said they’ve started to embrace Loki too. Just distribute the same English-and-Japanese tagged plushies in Taiwan.” 

“Tony.”

 _Exiled Prince Lokitty led an army of Kittauri in a planetary invasion that started at Mew York City. Luckily, the Avengers—including Lokitty’s brother Thor—arrived at the scene to save the day!_

“Is that enough cat puns? I feel like we can put in more cat puns.”

“Tony!”

Tony turned to her and pointed a finger. “And I'd like you to note the remarkable restraint I’m exercising by not referring to Thor as Labra _thor_.” Mostly because he didn’t fancy being struck by lightning out of the Iron Man suit. “See? I can be respectful. To my teammates. Whom I respect deeply.”

“Really.” Pepper looked unimpressed. “You don’t see a problem with taunting the god of mischief with _that_.” She waved her hand up and down at the 3D hologram.

The plushie's simple smiling face brought to mind a Peanuts character. On top of long black hair, Loki wore his ridiculous golden helmet. Behind the curved horns peeked two black cat ears, and a black tail trailed under the faux leather coat. 

“I feel like we should add a wire to the tail to give it some articulation. But then we can’t market the Lokitty plushies to under three-year-olds; what do you think?” 

Pepper tapped her death-defying shoes on the tile floor of the workshop.

“No, Pep—I hear you!” Tony was quick to reassure her. “Last I heard, Loki’s a prisoner in Asgard. How is he going to learn about some children’s plushies being sold in Asia? From Ebay? I don’t think Asgard has Internet.” He gave her a winsome smile.

Pepper sighed. “JARVIS?”

“I have shared similar concerns with Mr. Stark, Ms. Potts,” JARVIS said, “but he insisted on ignoring them.” _As always_ went unsaid.

Shaking her head, she decided to let him have this one. “And which charity should part of the proceeds go to?”

Half of the proceeds from the Avengers toy lines went to various charities of their choosing. Steve’s went to veterans’ nonprofits and asthma and allergy research; Clint’s went to foster children charity and homeless youths; Natasha’s went to immigration nonprofits, women’s shelter and transitional housing; Bruce’s went to provide clean water, malaria treatments and vaccination. Thor, when Tony asked him about it, requested that half his proceeds go to literacy and E-STEM funding in K-12 schools. Doctor Foster and her intern must have left a lasting impression. 

The rest of the proceeds went to funding the Avengers through the Maria Stark foundation. Funding a superhero habit is expensive, let alone a _whole team_ of superheroes. Tony wasn’t even charging them for all the time and brain power he spent on their costumes, gadgets and the quinjet.

“Cat rescue charities!” Tony exclaimed, snapping his fingers. “And wildlife sanctuaries; make sure they have big cats in their programs.”

Pepper noted it down, with the general air of _On your own head be it._

“Now, R & D have been in a tizzy about the latest prototype you sent…”

Tony groaned and swiped the Lokitty hologram to the other side of the room.

**Author's Note:**

> Currently unbeta-ed, so please do point out SpaG errors. Thank you!


End file.
